A Normal Pregnancy after High Risk

I feel so weird having a so far normal pregnancy after my last pregnancy went so haywire.
I mean, I'm only six weeks and three days along, so it feels like time is dragging, and I feel like I'm actually six months pregnant, but still.
By this time last pregnancy, I had been to Options 360, a local nonprofit pregnancy facility. I started taking classes and buying stuff for baby. My now husband and I were working our relationship out (he and I were broken up when I found out I was pregnant). I had a free ultrasound at seven weeks pregnant.
This time feels a lot smoother. I feel more connected to this pregnancy. I feel more prepared.

I'm about to get real. But I know I'm not alone in this.
I remember not feeling anything towards my last pregnancy. I was actually quite resentful, because at the time I wanted a clean break from Tyler (my now husband). We had already decided to go separate ways but remain friends. I had just gone on vacation to Reno and California. I was ready to be single and party. But life had a completely different idea, and I hated that.
When I found out my son had spina bifida, I became even more resentful. What am I supposed to feel? I resented everyone and everything, especially Tyler. Everyone was asking me how I was feeling during this pregnancy, congratulating me, telling me how exciting it must be. I was miserable inside. I got so tired of faking it. People telling me how strong I was. It got old. I didn't want a gold star for carrying a special needs child. I just wanted it to be easy.
I had a tough time breast feeding because I was so resentful still, even after delivery. I developed postpartum depression, and blamed that on everyone else as well. It took me about six weeks to acknowledge that my son was my son. It took me a long time to get used to calling him my son, or to even tell him I loved him.
This is not because I didn't love my son. It's because I was scared of the unknown.

Now I have to embrace the unknown now, or I will go crazy.
I will have my blood test to screen for spina bifida in about four weeks, and confirm a few weeks later.
That is my finish line right now.

This pregnancy was completely planned out, so I knew exactly what kind of emotions I would face.
Time. Is. Dragging.

But I look at it as a good thing. My OBGYN doesn't want to see me until 12 weeks, which means she isn't worried, and I should follow suit.
Worried is not the right word, though. As soon as I find out if this baby has spina bifida, I will be able to sigh a breath of relief either way. I am prepared for either outcome, and I will be more seasoned this time around.