It's Getting Closer, and There Will Be Rules

I am now 32 weeks pregnant. Third trimester. Eighth month. The time is coming to discuss visitation and announcements. To be absolutely selfish.
I have not yet published a birth plan, but I can say that the time spent in the hospital will be for myself and my husband, and the other one or two select people attending our daughter's birth.
After I gave birth to Isaiah, my room was flooded with visitors. I was heavily drugged and don't remember a lot of the people who came in.
After I was discharged from the hospital I had not one visitor. Zero. This, among other things, contributed to my post partum depression. I would not wish the feeling of utter loneliness and desperation I felt on anyone.
Our announcement will be on our timing. When my brother in law committed suicide, his friends posted messages on his public Facebook profile for the whole world to see. They had good intentions, but the reality is, they forced us to tell our entire family and plan a memorial service far sooner than we hoped. We didn't get a chance to just be there for each other because we were too busy explaining to my brother in laws friends and all of our family what had happened just hours earlier, and why.
When my pure, innocent daughter comes into this world, it will be without rush, without haste, and our announcement will be on our terms.
There will be no exceptions, no secrets. Just happiness and bliss!

Because Of Reasons

I've seen a lot of social media posts lately explaining or defending certain choices they have made concerning birth, pregnancy, or parenting. I think it's absurd that people feel like they have to make these posts.
But before anyone asks or assumes anything about me and my choices, I just wanted to break the ice first.

I plan to breast feed for as long as possible with my daughter. Sometimes without a cover. In public.

I plan to have a drug free birth experience.

I am having a VBAC.

I am not trying to make a point by doing any of these things.
I will breast feed as long as possible because it is cheaper than formula, and much more natural. I don't feel that being covered is a necessity. Its just not.

I plan to have a drug free experience because I was so hazy from all of the pain meds I was on after my c section that I hardly remember the first two weeks of my son's life. That breaks my heart and I will never get that time back.

I am having a VBAC. If my body will do what it was designed to do, why would I put it under so much trauma by choice unless it's absolutely necessary? I am not naive, I do not believe everyone's birth experience is glorious or it is the same every time.

If I can encourage or inspire anyone by documenting my experience, it would be an honor. But I have never felt the need to defend any of my choices because I believe in them 100%+++.

I am entering my third trimester tomorrow and registering at the hospital this coming Friday. Every day is the last time I will experience this part of pregnancy because this will be my last.
I appreciate all of the support and hope to continue to connect with as many people as possible!

Halfway There!

I am twenty weeks pregnant! I can't believe I have made it half way. I had my second anatomy scan last week and nothing has changed. Summer looks perfect! She has isaiahs nose and lips just like their mommy.
I am getting more and more excited for TOLAC (trial of labor after cesarean) and feeling so empowered to do it on my own!
The MFM doctor said they would like to do one more scan at 28 weeks to make sure nothing has changed, but she has a good feeling that everything is going to be just fine. She also said the umbillical cord is right where it should be and Summer is growing just fine! I am loving this pregnancy and despite everything else in my life that has gone to crap, my pregnancy has been perfect.

Now That the Hurricane Has Been Downgraded to a Tropical Storm

The last month has been nothing short of amazing.
Amazingly insane.

Being caught in the middle of tragedy makes the joy of pregnancy much more complicated.
On June 13, my husband got a phone call while he was in the shower from his mother. "No he f***ing didn't! Are you f***ing kidding me?" Was all I heard as Tyler slammed every door from the shower to the bedroom. My brother in law had been found at a nearby trailhead. He had committed suicide.
Not only was he our brother, he was also our roommate. We couldn't even face going home, because we couldn't bare to walk in without skyler coming in behind us.
We spent the next few days handling the investigation, planning a celebration of life, and still trying to accept what happened.
We have now moved in with my mother-in-law and have plans to buy a house in the next year or so.

I received the final results of my quad screen, and everything's looking normal!

The baby is a little girl 🎀
At 16 weeks she weighed 5 oz.

The only thing they saw was the umbillical cord was on the side of the placenta which places me at a low risk for low birth weight. Which I don't see being a problem.
I am now 18 weeks and my little bean is kicking very strong!

My son broke his femur last week which stuck us in the hospital for a day.
And I had a scare when I locked my son in my hot car in a store parking lot. (everything obviously turned out alright)

Needless to say, I am in dire need of a break. I'm hoping things stay settled down for a little while.

We can breathe... I think!

Yesterday I had my official first prenatal visit with my OB/GYN, which I wasn't even sure I was going to be able to go to! My insurance changed my assigned clinic, and after much freaking out and cursing out the customer service representative on the phone, I found out that my OB/GYN is actually covered under both clinics! Such a relief. I don't do well with change, especially when it comes to doctors!
After taking a quick peek at the baby, my doctor brought up VBAC to me again to make sure that was still our game plan... so after talking about it and signing the consent form, it will be official! She said I couldn't be a more perfect candidate. I am so excited to have such a supportive doctor!

---------------------------------------

Today, I went into my sequential screen, which included a thorough ultrasound, and a blood test.

To my pleasant surprise, the doctor reading my results was my high risk doctor from my previous pregnancy! I hadn't seen him since before Isaiah's birth, so that was really cool!

After looking over the photos (...DRUM ROLL...), he said that everything looks normal and we don't have to worry about Spina Bifida!!!

He wants to confirm everything early, so I am also getting an early anatomy scan, which means we will find out if this little bean is a boy or a girl in about a month!
Now that first trimester is over, things are starting to move along much quicker!

And I think I can take a sigh of relief!

Doing it Alone

Nothing makes me happier than being able to stay at home during the week with my son, and that my husband is able to provide for us. But selfishly I am sad that my husband will miss out on my first ultrasound. We tried hard to make this baby together.
At first he was going to be able to go, and then he got called to a job that no one else in his company can do. So I'll be dropping my son off with a sitter, and going in by myself.
My worst fear is that something will go wrong, and I'll be there to go through it by myself.
Now that my appointment is officially less than a day away, my anxiety is getting the best of me.

I am excited, sad, happy, anxious, nervous, all in one.
I guess I just can't wait for the appointment to just... be here already!

First Flutters

Tonight I officially felt the baby moving for the first time!
It's an indescribable feeling, and such a wave of relief came over me.

I drank some super sweet hot cocoa in preparation for the nasty cold that is about to consume my body. I thought I was feeling gas bubbles, but it kept on being in the same spot over and over again.

This is so exciting and relieving for me! I really can't explain how much stress this is lifting off of me. It has felt like an eternity waiting for my first prenatal appointment to make sure my baby is okay, and this certainly makes the waiting much easier.